Stalking & Surveillance by Known People
Most digital stalking is not committed by strangers. It is committed by people who already have access - to your devices, your accounts, and your life.
The Phone That Was Always Watching
Deepa had been separated from her husband for six months.
She had moved to a new flat in Pune, changed her daily routes, and told only a small number of people where she was living. He did not have her new address.
He still knew where she was.
He texted when she arrived at her parents' house before she had time to sit down. He called when she reached the gym. He sent messages referencing conversations she had in her flat with her sister. When she changed her phone number, he had the new one within a week.
Deepa's sister noticed that a Google account linked to her phone had been set up under a slightly different name - one she did not recognise. It was syncing her location in real time. Her husband had set it up eighteen months earlier, before she had any reason to check.
The location sharing was removed. The monitoring continued through a different app she had not found yet. It took three audits to locate and remove all access points.
The surveillance was not sophisticated. It was just invisible.
What Is Actually Happening
1 in 3
women and 1 in 6 men experience stalking in their lifetime.
In the majority of cases, the stalker is a current or former intimate partner. The behaviour typically begins before the relationship ends.
Source: CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2024Stalkerware Detections Up 50% in 2024
Kaspersky reported a 50% increase in stalkerware detections globally in 2024. These apps are typically installed by someone with brief physical access to the device and run invisibly in the background, transmitting location, messages, and calls.
Digital Stalking Precedes 76% of Femicides
Research across documented femicide cases found that digital monitoring and stalking preceded physical violence in 76% of cases. Digital surveillance is not a separate problem from physical danger - it is a precursor.
How Digital Stalking Actually Works
The tools used for stalking by known people fall into four categories:
1. Legitimate apps misused. Google Maps location sharing, Apple's Find My, and Find My Friends are designed for consensual use. They are also the most commonly misused tools in intimate partner surveillance - because they were set up during the relationship and never removed.
2. Stalkerware. Purpose-built apps that hide their presence on a device. Marketed to parents as "monitoring tools," they transmit location, SMS messages, call logs, photos, and sometimes live audio. Require brief physical access to install. Antivirus apps often do not detect them.
3. Smart home access. Shared accounts on speakers, cameras, doorbells, and locks give a person who set up the device persistent access even after a separation. A smart speaker in a flat is a listening device for anyone with account access.
4. Account access. Email forwarding rules, shared iCloud or Google accounts, and saved passwords give access to everything - calendar, location history, messages, and reset codes for other accounts.
Intimate Partner Violence and Digital Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour - not a single incident - designed to make a person dependent, afraid, and isolated. Digital tools have made coercive control easier to maintain across physical distance and across the end of a relationship.
Digital coercive control can include:
- Monitoring location and requiring real-time updates
- Reading messages, emails, and social media
- Controlling access to devices or accounts
- Using intimate images as leverage
- Creating financial dependency through digital account access
- Contacting employers, family, or friends to damage relationships
Evidence for Protective Orders
A protective order (restraining order, domestic violence injunction) requires documented evidence of the behaviour. Digital evidence is admissible in most jurisdictions and is often more compelling than accounts of verbal incidents.
What to preserve:
- Screenshots of messages with dates and sender information
- Screen recordings of app access or location history
- Written log of incidents with date, time, and description
- Names of any witnesses (including online conversations that reference the behaviour)
Do not delete anything. Even messages you find distressing.
Digital Safety Planner
Work through the checklist below. It covers every major surveillance access point - shared accounts, location sharing, devices, smart home, and evidence. Each unticked item has a specific action step.
If you are concerned that making changes may alert someone, use a device that person has never had access to - a friend's phone, a library computer.
What That Just Showed You
1. Surveillance is often invisible because it was legitimate first. Shared accounts and location-sharing apps were not installed for surveillance. They became surveillance when the dynamic changed. This is why checking them is not paranoia - it is standard safety practice.
2. Removing one access point does not remove all of them. Deepa's situation took three audits. Smart home devices, account forwarding rules, and saved browser sessions are separate from location apps. Each category requires its own check.
3. Safety planning has to come before digital changes. In high-risk situations, removing surveillance can trigger escalation. The checklist is designed to be worked through carefully, ideally with guidance from a specialist support organisation before making changes that could be noticed.
Three Things Worth Doing
1. Check email forwarding rules today. Gmail: Settings (gear) > See all settings > Forwarding and POP/IMAP. Outlook: Settings > Mail > Forwarding. A forwarding rule routes every incoming email to another address silently. It is one of the most commonly used and least-known surveillance methods in coercive control situations.
2. Audit who has access to your location right now. Google Maps > Profile > Location sharing. Apple: Settings > [Your name] > Find My > Share My Location. WhatsApp: active conversations > contact name > see if Live Location is on. This takes three minutes and surfaces real-time access most people have forgotten they granted.
3. Contact a specialist organisation before making large changes in a high-risk situation. UK: National Stalking Helpline (0808 802 0300) | US: NNEDV Safety Net (nnedv.org) | IN: iCall (+91 9152987821) | AU: 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). These organisations advise on safety planning specific to your situation, including the order in which to make changes to reduce escalation risk.
One Question Before You Continue
Deepa discovered that a Google account she did not recognise was syncing her real-time location. Her husband had set it up during their marriage. Why is it important not to simply remove the access immediately without planning?